Blog 11

So this weekend when i went home i went through of my draws in my kitchen much to my mothers delight. in them i found some weird stuff. I found first of all like 20 old batterier( mom says you never know when you will need them). I then found old cell phones. You know the ones that are huge but back in the day were the coolest things in the world. In on draw i foud some old pictures of me and my brother and sister when we were younger. Most of all the draws i went throught all seemed to hold stuff that my mom saved but i guess forgot about. I found coins to disposable camers with pictuires remaing on them, found birthday candles. The one thing that i found in my desk draw in my room which kinda made me think was my first ever wallet with my middle school in it. I remember that when i was a fresh man my grand father god rest him gave me what he called an adult wallet which i still have and use today. But i remeber that i saveed my old wallet jsut incease i needed it but when i looked at it i thought of those thinsg we put in ouyr wallets back in the day to what we put in them now and laughed. I went and told my brotehr who recieved the same gift as me but in a different color and he showed me he still had is and still used his. The one thing we laughed about is how when my aunt gave use new wallets last year we both just threw them in the kitchen junk draw cause we were attached to the ones our grandfather gave us

The Final Show Down 1 vs 2!!!!!!!

Well in the final battle between essays i have decided to pick ( cue drum roll) the first one is the winner because i want to look more into what i wrote and reflect more on it. There is alot i didnt touch upon and after in reread it i want to get down to the nitty gritty of it. Also i want to add some more and take some away, basically like cooking im going to cut the fat and give you a lean piece of amazing food lol ( sorry im very hungry). The second essay i like alot cause i want to revise it on my own time and give it to my mother cause i think she will really like it. So the winner is the first essay in the long hard fought battle, but it came out on top.....So i cant wait to finalize it and maybe get it published

Blog 9 Essay 2

So here is my second essay. It wasnt hard to write but i did get a little emotional while writing it because i remember it greatly.



You know going to college has made me reflect upon a lot of things in my life. You start to look at those things that maybe you take for granted every day in a different way. Well the thing that I reflected on the most is the relationship I have with my family. It all started my freshman year at Kean during football camp. I remember those 16 days like they happened 2 weeks ago, I could never forget those days as hard I tried. Those 16 days was the time I truly realized how much my mother meant to me.
That summer I was very lucky I was given a unique opportunity to continue my football career into the the college level. To say the least I was extremely excited. I never thought that I would have the ability to play in the next level, I was under the assumption that I would finish my senior season in high school and then go on to college and so on and so forth. After talking to my high school head coach and my father, I came to my decision to come and play football at Kean University. This was great because I wanted to become a teacher and Kean is known for education, also playing football helped me in receiving financial aide. So thats always a good thing, coming from a family of 5 with an older brother in college at Rutgers( where tuition was increasing like gas prices these days) and a younger sister who went to every event possible. Money didn't grow on trees in my house but my mother could sure stretch it.( as every kid watches their mother do) So all summer I trained and pushed myself to get ready for college ball. I was going out every night partying and having fun barely seeing my mother. At that time I didn't even think it was a big deal because I was 17 and all I wanted to do was enjoy my life.
Well the night before I had to report to camp came before I knew it and I was sitting my family room helping my mom pack my suitcase. After we finished she gave me a kiss and told me that no matter what that she loved me. She said all this because my and father and I had to leave my house at like 6am so she wouldn't be awake when we left. I remember that night I couldn't sleep, I tossed and turned all night because that feeling of excitement turned to that feeling of fear and nervousness. All night I just tried to keep telling myself how great college life was going to be and how my wish of getting out of my house was coming true. So eventually I fell asleep and what to me felt like only 20 minutes my dad was waking me up to get ready to leave. We packed the truck I took one last good look around and got in the car. As we started to pull away I saw my mom sitting in my bedroom looking at my window crying and she waved to me. I smile and waved back. I was thinking why is she crying I was only going 30 minutes up the parkway and its not like I wasn't ever going to come back.
Once we arrived at Kean it was a culture shock I had no idea where to go or who to see. I was up there twice for recruiting visits, but you don't pay attention you just listen to the players about parties and what college girls are like. After walking around for a little we finally found where we had to be. The head coach gave a speech and once that was over the parents could help the players move into the dorms. My dad helped me and once we were done I walked with him to his car and gave him a hug and I was on my own. I remember getting this feeling of freedom and I then went back to the dorms and got to know my room mates. At 6 we had dinner and after that we had meetings, I saw on the schedule they gave us each day for the next 16 days was planned out, every hour you were somewhere basically. So I went to my first college football meeting and well to say the least my head was spinning, because in high school they teach you one play or maybe two and your done for that meeting. In college you not only learned that play you learned how to identify a defense, how the play changes based upon a defenses alignment, so I realized quick that college ball was in the classroom as much as it was on the field.
So camp went on for a few days and you get into a groove where every day seems like its repeating the previous and all along I had this pain my stomach like I was sick. I didn't know what it was I just played through it trying to prove myself to the older guys. So finally around day 5 I knew why I was in pain, I missed home, I hated practice the coaches were always yelling at me, but most of all I missed my mother. I just wanted to hear her voice and see her. Then on day six I came in from practice and saw I had a missed cal on my phone and had a voice mail. The call was from home and when I saw that I was excited. I got the feeling you get when you wake up on Christmas morning, so it was great. I showered and then headed to lunch and started to listen to my voice mail. When I heard the dial tone click and started to hear my message, I started to cry so I ran off to hide behind a building so I wasn't to be seen. The message was from my mom asking me how I was doing and saying she loved me, but also telling me about the things that were happening at home. So to say the least as I wiped my tears I started to get that stomach pain again and I became really upset. The worse part was I couldn't bring myself to call home because I felt like a terrible son, after the way I was never home over the summer.
The whole night after meetings I didn't sleep because all I thought was I had an entire summer to spend some time with my mom and just let it slip it by. I was up all night and went to breakfast that morning looking like a zombie. After practice again I had a message from home and when I listened to it, again it was my mom saying the same stuff and telling me stories about home, but the difference was at the end she asked why I haven't called home in over a week. After I heard that part I broke down again and my only rationing was to turn my sadness into anger and use it on the field. You can only do that for so long I quickly figured out, this plan worked for my for about and hour. That night I left my phone in my room when I went to meetings and when I returned I had a text message from my brother asking me how I was doing, what it was like, and he ended saying how mom was really worried that she hasn't heard from me and I was to call home at my next available time. I read that and felt like crap, not only did I let my summer slip by now I was making the one person I truly missed most upset. I started to slip into a type of depression and I was getting worse as the times went by.
Around the 10th day my phone went off when I had free time, and the call was from my brother so I answered. To my surprise it was my mom and the minute I heard her voice I started to cry. Like all moms she knew I was upset and she started to talk to me. All I could say was how sorry I was and how much I missed her and how much I loved her. My mom is a very strong lady and she wont let me know shes crying, so she put a front on as she tried to calm me down, but I knew she was upset too. I told her how much I hated it and how much I wanted to come home. All she said was that she really wanted me to try to fight through one season and if afterwards I quite then hey I tried right. I didn't even want to look that far ahead all I was thinking about was coming home after camp for our one day off. So we talked some more and finally I made her a deal that I would call home every night and we would talk, and if I wanted to it could be about football, but if I wanted to talk about something else that was fine as well.
So every night I called home and we talked for about a hour and I had to lie to my room mates so they didn't think I was a wimp or something so when I would call home I would just tell them it was my friends on the line. Every night we talked and every time I heard her voice on the line at first I would cry. Things started to get better and my stomach pain started to dwindle into nothing. Some nights we would talk about how our puppies were or what my sister was up too or anything. She even asked me about if I had my eyes on any girls. Of course being my mom she said it be nice if I brought home a nice Italian girl with dark hair and dark eyes contrary to my previous girlfriends, who were all had blond hair with blue eyes. That made us laugh and helped me so much when I was so home sick. So it came down to that last night of camp and like usual we talked and that night it was about what I wanted to do on my day off. She told me that I could have my friends over to drink and she would cook on the grill for us. I told her how that sounded and great and how I couldn't wait to see her.
The next day took forever because of instead of focusing on the scrimmage I was in, I just kept looking at the clock planning my route home. Once the clock read quad zero I ran to the locker room. I got ready and waited in the parking lot for my dad to come. After a little bit I saw his car ran to it, threw my stuff in and told him to get me home as fast as possible. In the car he was asking me questions about camp and the entire time I just was giving him short answers, because my mind was on seeing my mother. We turned the corner on my street and I saw my house and as we pulled up my mom came and stood on the porch. I remember seeing her and I started to tear, once we came to a stop I got out of the car and walked to her. I got to my mom looked at her and just put my head on her shoulder and she held me. I was so happy to be in her arms and having he hold me. I look back and laugh because that had to be a funny site, me 6 foot 265 built football player leaning over to hug my tiny 5'5 mom.
We went inside and my entire family was waiting for me and I was ready for my brother to bust my chops about calling mom every night. After awhile of waiting he didn't say a word and I was surprised and kind of confused. I asked my mom about it and she told me that those calls were between me and her and no one on the house knew they happened. I hugged her and laugh, she then asked me what time my friends would be over and how much she would have to cook. I looked her in the eyes and said no one is coming and would she mind if we rented a movie and the family watched it together like we use to when we were all younger. She smiled said of course and that night we had ice cream and watched a comedy. I don't remember the movie but I do remember sitting next to my mom on the couch laughing with my family. It was a great time, that next night I had to go back to school for practice and this time my mom took me. She gave me a hug and I got out of the truck she looked at me and said that she be waiting by the phone for me to call at our usual time. So that night I called her and went like that my entire freshman year.
That was I realized how close I really am with my mother. Its funny because the personality I have got from her. Every good thing in me is because of her so I will say it proudly and will admit to it if I am ever asked. I am and will always be a momma's boy.

Blog 8

Well for my second essay I kind of in a bind of what i want to write about. I mean when you look back on your life you have stories to tell and things you want to share but you dont know where to start and how to get going. Thats what im facing right now i actually dont know what i want to write about. But after having my conference i think im gong to talk about my family. Alot of you dont know me or the type of person i may be, but i am extremely close to my family especially to my mother. She is the reason i have my personality and the reason well i am the man i am. I mean dont get me wrong my father is a huge part of my life and with football but comparing the two is like comparing black and white. Its impossible to make a comparison. So i think my second esssay will be about my family and how my mother has had a huge impact on the way i treat women and such. In a way right now im just writing what i am thinking.
I think im going to tell about the talks that me and mother have and the type of relationship we have. You know how you can always tell your mother somthing and the two of you will keep it from your father. Its like a bond thats is never spoken of but known. She has giving me so much and i know i can go to her about anything and how she will never judge me and will do everything in her power for me or my brotehr or sister. Its always us first. But i think my mother and I have a special relationship cause well my sister is my fathers baby, my brotehr is the first and oldest and thats special i am the middle child and the youngest boy. She was the middle child as well so i actually dont knwo where i am going to start or where its going to lead me. I think im going to talk about the times where its just me and my mom. Like the times i would take her to dinner, or how the conversations ill have with her over the phone while im at school. Or maybe when i go out drinking and come stumbling home drunk at 4am she will be up waiting fo rme , help me in and then make me breakfast. I dont know those are some of my ideas and i think im going to talk to her and she what she thinks.

Blog 7

Well to start the thing that went well in my essay was writing it. At first i was real nervous about writing it all up you know thinking would it be hard to get across would it be enough. Basically all the emotions you feel about any paper. But once i started going and thinking about my story it went very well. Well after handing it in and having my one on one with Our professor I actually am very proud of what i wrote. I know that i have to add some more reflective pieces in the essay. Also after doing what Professor Chandler said as thinking as a segmented essay as a a movie and every segment is like writing a movie scene, i know how i am going to revise my essaye and turn it into a really good one.
In my next essay I am goin to try to be more refelctive using the techniques that i have dicussed with our Professor Chandler. I definetly am going to use the italicized ( i murdered that word) technique that she told me about. So i am actually very excited to get started on my next essay. I was at first nervous because i had no clue what my next essay was going to be about, and hopw would i be able to top my first essay. But after talking to it out with our professor and thinking about it, i think im going to try to focus on my family or my mother, if i have, i'll just telll a bunch of different family stories that involve my mother and her side of the family and reflect on that.
But definetly in my next essay i am going to try to be a little less detailed and a little more reflective. Also im going some new techniques. Now that i think about it i dont have a clue how i am going to write it. Im just going to do what i did last time, sit n my laptop watch my rooma mate argue about NCAA, put my head phones on, out my itunes on shuffle and start typing and see where it takes me. So basically my next essay may just be a huge free write lol, who knows.

Blog 6 according to the numbeirng-but heres my draft..8-)

When i started doing the essay all i kept saying is there is no way i can type 5 pages on a story. I thought of every which way to stretch the essay if i had to. Like you know if i finished and it was only like 3 pages i had my plan layed out. But once i started going it wasnt is it going to be enough it turned out to be do i have too much. And the funniest thing was once i started to think about the day and story i was telling the memory became so real that i remember the day exactly.......So heres my draft god i hope i didt it correctly and before anyone passes judgement, it is a working title ....so for those who read it, heres the preview its 7 pages double spaced.......and i hope you enjoy so without further delay............

" The Realization that your a puppet"

I remember the first time I realized that the people that surround us sometimes dictate our decisions and how we live our lifes, contrary to how we may really feel. This day was so long ago, but when I close my eyes and remember it, this day feels like it happened not even 24 hours ago. It’s funny as I look back on this day I remember how my mother use to always tell me to never let anyone else dictate the man I am or the man I am becoming. As always I would smile and agree because I was 17 and knew everything. Truly I wasn’t in charge of my life that day, all my decisions were made by my “friends” and my true emotions had to be hidden to prevent being judged.
When I was 17 and a senior in high school I would always hang out with the same group of friends. I mean we did everything together, from going to the same gym to eating dinner at each others houses. The group consisted of seven guys which were never called their true names. Being like any close group of friends we all had nicknames for each other. The group went as: Fur, Mell, Shanal, Goomba, Ant, Butt, some of the names would need some explaining, but that’s a whole other story for each one and I would need a lot of time to tell it all. Where we lived was a small suburban town named Hazlet, where basically nothing happened. It’s one of those towns where everyone waves to each other and you know everything about everyone else. So like most young teens we would have to make our own fun out of the simplest ideas.
It all started one day over Easter vacation, when we were all arguing on where we wanted to eat that day. So after probably about an hour of arguing about different places to go Shanal came up with an idea that when I think about now, I see how immature we really were. His idea was to put all the food places in New Jersey that we knew of in a tournament bracket like they do in college basketball. I mean every place we could think of, from restaurants that everyone knows to the deli (whose name we didn’t know) in that town (which one of us would only remembered because of the food from deli) one of stopped in with our families one day. Each place would be ranked and then placed in the bracket following the rules the NCAA uses. The two places would then go head to head and the winner would move to the next battle. The winner was chosen by a flip of Ant’s wallet, because of course on that day no one had any change on them, so we resorted to what we could. So the pace with home court advantage would be given the back of the wallet and the visitor would be given the part where the wallet closed, then Shanal would flip the wallet in the air spinning of course at least 5 times and the side it landed on would be the winner.
We planned to go for lunch, but after we made the list and saw we had about 170 places to go it was going to take longer. So we started the “Restaurant Tourney” as we called it and about 3 hours later, and god knows how many wallet flips we had our winner. It was a little Italian pizza place in Red Bank only about 15 minutes away from our house. As we left it was decided (well we were kind of forced) that because me and Fur had trucks that we would drive. So we all piled in the two trucks, in mine was me, Ant, Mell, and Goomba, and in Fur’s was him Butt and Shanal, then off we went going on the direction of what Butt remembered. After turning to what should have been a 15 minute ride into an hour we got there and ate. On the way out me and Fur were fighting saying who could get home faster, so we all raced to the trucks and raced out.
We were driving like idiots, cutting people off and weaving in and out of traffic to try to get ahead of each other. As I strategically driving trying top find a way to get the best of Fur, I could here the guys in my truck talking and planning something to do to Fur’s truck. Before I knew it Mell had his pants down and was mooning every car on the road. As we passed Fur his truck was in hysteria with laughter so we figured whatever we would do it to other drivers. I didn’t say that I thought it was a dumb idea and not to do it, and how the entire time I was laughing I was really freaking out that sometime bad would happen. So we kept going and seeing how other drivers would either laugh or put a real angry face on, as we kept going I saw that a light green Altima that looked “hooked” up(which means we thought it was either teenager or younger adults car) was changing lanes as I did . So I slowed up and the guy got along side of us and gave us a signal to pull over.
We saw that the guy driving was a bigger guy and he looked pissed. I remember exactly what happened next, I started freaking out and asking what to do, screaming at them and everyone in my truck yelled basically to do whatever it takes to get away from him. I was petrified I didn’t know what was going to happen and all I wanted was everything to go to normal. Luckily we thought we were close to our home town so we knew all the side roads in the towns we were passing through. I punched it and started to drive really out of control and every move that I made this guy made and kept right on my tail. So I pulled in a parking lot trying to loose the guy, as I sped through the lot I was dodging people, cars, shopping carts, and it seemed every 2 seconds I had to slam on my brakes almost hitting something. So I was shaking, sweating, and breathing in a crazy manner, and the laughter that once filled my truck turned into a quite scared silence. Every time we thought we got away this guy would wind up back behind us. We left the parking lot and shot into a development that has tons of side roads so we thought we defiantly loose him.
After about a 1 hour of driving around in and out of different developments we came up with an idea. We called Fur and asked for help, together we planned that we would have Fur wait for us on a corner we knew and I would go around him and he we would then cut this Altima off. Then he would slow this guy down and I would slip away. I was basically drenched with sweat and pale as a ghost, but this plan gave me hope. So we get to the corner and see Fur’s truck waiting for us. I pull around him and thinking we were going right when Fur thought we were going left, we both turned the wrong way and our trucks hit, not stopping I gunned it. Now I was going crazy and said screw it and pulled over. We were all mumbling saying how no matter what happens we would all stick together. As I looked in my rear view mirror I saw what I knew immediately was. The guy in the car was holding a badge. He gets out and walks along side my car and asks for my credentials and not being stupid I ask to see his. He shows me his badge and I.D. and he turns out to be a sheriff from a town I can’t actually remember anymore. As Sheriff Lopez takes my information 6 police cruisers from 3 different towns come pulling up extremely fast and surround my car.
Two were from Holmdel which borders Hazlet, two were from our town Hazlet, and the final two were from another bordering town called Middletown. The cops all got out and started screaming at me and flipping out. A few cops even pulled there guns and had them pointed at my truck. Easy to say at this point I was shaking and had the vomit feeling in my stomach, I could barely talk and kept think I was going to pass out. I thought I was done, the cops all kept saying that I was going to be arrested and put in jail and my trucked impounded as well as my license being taking from me .Then Sheriff Lopez took my stuff and walked away, he took my P.B.A. card and threw it telling me it was pointless. Thank god as he did this the officer who he card belonged to pulled up and saw the whole thing. The officer is named Mike; my mother is his children’s babysitter and he actually a good friend of the family. He gave me the card on my 17th birthday and told me not to get in trouble. That’s ironic now that I think of it. I was then taken out of the car and sat on the curb.
As I sat down, my mother pulls up with my older brother. Mike and Sheriff Lopez walked over to me and had me stand up and explained why there were six patrol cars surrounding my truck and how my mother came to be there. I didn’t think she just happens to be driving by, but maybe she knew my luck. So what happened was Sheriff Lopez was driving with his wife and saw what Mell did and tried to pull us over to talk to us. As I sped away and started driving like a moron as he put it, he then used the radio he had in his car and contacted the local police in the town we were in for help. Since we cut threw Middletown and Holmdel they were contacted and we trying to help corner us. Every time they thought they had me, I would change direction. So when I stopped the chase ended and they all caught up to me. Then Sheriff Lopez and Mike asked why I didn’t pull over. I then explained how I was always told to never pull over for an unmarked car and how I was scared and really didn’t know what to do and mostly was listening to what my friends said. I always explained Sheriff Lopez’s car didn’t look anything like a cop car and how we didn’t see his badge until I stopped.
After hearing my end they talked for awhile and came back and laid out my options. First they told me how I was right to not stop for an unmarked car, but that still didn’t excuse for what I allowed Mell to do. That it was still my responsibility t control what the passengers in my truck were doing. They said that running from the police would be forgotten and that speeding would be forgotten too. The only thing was the hit and run that Sheriff Lopez witnessed and how that was an automatic revoking of license. Then I said how we knew the diver and that was it part of the getaway plan. So they said to get Fur and everyone that was in his car to come here. So we called him and then convinced him to come. We then waited, I was still outside my truck and my friends were all sitting in my truck looking around. I couldn’t look my mother in the eyes, I was so embarrassed.
As Fur pulled up Mike walked over to his truck and asked for his end of the story. Our stories matched up and so Mike laid out three options for Fur. First he could press charges against me, which would put me under arrest and I would loose my license. Second he could go along with the plan and we would both be arrested me for the hit and run, him for adding in a felony. The third option was we would all forget this happened leave and take car of the damage to our trucks at a another time. So obviously Fur took the third option. As he left I thanked him and we actually laughed over it.
I then saw that Mell was arguing with an officer and then given a seatbelt ticket because they said if he was “mooning” people he obviously couldn’t be wearing it. All the cops then started to leave and Mike went over to where the P.B.A. card he gave me was thrown and he picked it up and walked back to me. He then handed it to me and smiled then started to walk back to his cruiser. I asked why he had given the card back, he smile and said: “Your mom watches my kids and besides that everyone makes a mistake”, he then smile and drive off. My mom hugged me and asked what happened and I told her the whole story and why I haven’t been home in two days. She smile and we agreed not to tell my father.
I got back in my truck took everyone home, drove to my house and passed out. Ten minutes later my phone went off, Fur was having people over for drinks and he thought I could use one. I went over and his dad looked and me and smile. We all sat in Fur’s basement and just started to laugh. Everyone waiting their turn to tell the story of the infamous car chase. When it came to my turn I smile and told it the same way everyone else did. Except in my own mind I thought how lucky I was and the feeling of fear and paranoia that I had the entire time. As the next person told their account I looked around the room at each of my “friend’s” faces and thought how I didn’t have one segment of control of the day, how they the complete control and I was basically their puppet.

Blog 7.. 8-)

After reading this story, first of all i got a little sad because i have a few friends over in Iraq and other locations, and it made me think of them and what there doing to keep their minds at ease. I send my prays to them and their families and hope in my heart that i will get to see them again and shake their hands thanking them for what they do. I know this is off topic but for those who read this blog, you may not support the war and the reasons behind it but supports our troops. They took an oath to protect our freedoms, so they are doingt what they are being told is needed to to protect these freedoms. So next time you see a soldier say thankyou because their sacrificing for us.
Well after reading this essay is the truth about war and how it affects people. How the story about Curt and Rat tells the things that we may not know. How even in the worse of situations people like Rate and Curt who are just trying to make the best of their situation suffer. how a simple game to take their minds off the war ends up with Curt dying. Then rat thinking he is doing a great thing makes him mad. I guess he thought that writing this letter would result in a return letter from Curt's sister and then Rat would have someone to write to. This being maybe another way to for minutes escape the situation he is in. But when he doesn't recieve the letter this makes him mad and bitter. So finally to me this story is about the effects that those who actually witness the horrid events of war actually feel and go through.
The word truth to me is a huge part of the title because, we can read and ask about what happens in a war all we want but in reality those who know the truth are those who are actually there. That why when you somtimes ask someone who was in a war event or even a tramautic event don't like to talk about or even hear about it. So the truth can never truly be understood unitl you actually go through what they went through.