Reflection of CNF

1. What are your plans as a writer (how do you expect to use writing in your future)?
- I actually do not know, I am definitely going to proof read and re revise my fourth essay. I loved writing it the most. Because football was such a huge part of my life, this essay was a huge refection of my life. I think writing will continue to be a huge aspect of my life since I am going to be a teacher. I would like to try to write fiction, one of my goals is to write a story of a football player, who is more than just a "meat head". To sum it all up I have no clue as to what my plans as a writer are.


2. Describe any changes in your writing style
- In writing creative nonfiction or nonfiction in general I definitely became more reflective writer. I started to express and write in a more emotional way. My old writing style was just answer the question or write the way my professor would like. My style was dictated by the type of writing i had to do, or the type of writing that was the easiest. Now I take writing assignments and answer them all the way, but using my own style. I don't write the way others dictate, I use my own style. This class helped me form an identity as a writer.

3. Describe any changes in your writing process
-Well to start off I now use a draft process. I was one of those writers who would just sit down and type. Once I started, I would write till i was completely finished, then save it, and be done with it. Now I write a draft first and go from there, like we did in this class. Another thing is I do like a journal writing about any writing assignments I have. I will look at the questions, then write about what I think I should write, seeing what directions I could take to complete the assignment.

4. Describe any changes in your attitude toward/interest in/understanding of writing in general, and CNF in particular.
- Well before i took this class i truly didnt know what CNF was. To me nonfiction wasnt really creative, it was telling a story in a non boring style. Now i understand that CNF is an amazing writing style that takes awhile to completely understand it. I now have a great appreciation of what CNF is and actually going to strive to become a better CNF writer. My attitude went from thinking CNF was a boring writing style to enjoying it and looking forward to reading forms of it.



5. What have you learned about yourself as a writer?
- Well i didn't realize it, I was told by Dr. Chandler and others who read my works that I am a powerful story teller and i write from my heart. I didn't try to write like this, it is just the type of person i am. I do everything from my heart, in my eyes if you do things like that, your doing them to the best of your abilities, all the way till the completion. Also I realized that as a writer i point out the littlest details or I have the ability to capture the moment that i am describing. For example wroting about the moon light reflecting off the ocean. The way i did it was i closed my eytes and started to type, Not accurate, but i knew what i meant. So as a writer i discovered through this class i am a very "deep Person", i use all my emotions.

6. What features of your writing do you feel are most important for you to work on?
- Well my writing mechanics. I sometimes just am so excited to get my point across i dont follow proper grammar. Its my main handicap and I am working extremely diligently on correcting this flaw.

Public Venue Project

Essay: “Life In Between The Whistles”

Publication: Sports Literature (http://www.sportliterate.org/)

Subject Matter: Mostly about sports and how they affected the authors life. Could be about what it was like participating in the sport or going to stadiums or the food surrounding sports.

Voice: Personal Narrative, Reflective (emphasize to potential submissions, they want very reflective work)

Form and Artistry: Combination of segmented essays, Dialogue, Personal Narrative, Personal Writing.

Length: There isn’t a mandated word length. From reading some of the essays I saw that they easily extend past 2000 words. It seems that the site doesn’t want to put a limit on a creative nonfiction essay because they wouldn’t want to hinder anyone’s essay.

Audience: Anyone could subscribe to the magazine, but for the most part it’s a more of a sport type of journal. All the essays are based upon sports and the authors are reflecting on how these sports played in their life. You can tell this just by some of the titles you see on the website for example. “Heel of a Glove” , “Ballparks” , “Memories of Peanuts and Beers”.

Purpose: “Sport Literate is a literary journal focusing on honest reflections on life’s leisurely diversions.” They say that they do enjoy receiving essays on all types of sports stories, but they are more interested in the reason why we play sports and how sports affected their own life rather then the final score.

To Submit: Please send a self-addressed, stamped envelope with all correspondence.

Sport Literate

2248 W Belmont No. 20

Chicago IL 60618 or email our editor an attachment

Indicate the type of submission in your subject line

Editor-In-Chief: Wiliam Meiners

Or Managing Editor: Gina Vozenilek

*you can click on their names and it brings you to a page where it has a format where you enter your name and information and have a small text box so you can write what you need to.

Reading Dates: submissions are accepted year round and if chosen the author notified. The magazine is published biannually and a subscriber for 20$ gets two issues.
Pay: none, but they do have contests, the contest this month is football and it is a 15 dollar entrance fee and winner receives 300 dollars. The website shows that they offer numerous contests throughout the year, each one on a different sport or topic surrounding sports.

The relationship to my material was the main part of the composing part of my essay. Each one of my essays was about a important thing in my life which made it fairly simplke to write about. The way i revised my essay was actually the sam trechnique ill use for any other revision i reread what iw rote and try to refelect even more on what i am reading because it makes me think more abnout that particular day or time i was writing about.

Essay #4 "Life in Between the Whistles"

Since I was about 14 I was always told by my coaches that “The Game of Life is like the Game of Football”. When I first heard this I had no idea what it meant so I would always just smile and nod. Well Saturday August 22, 2008 was my last game ever in my career, I will never put on a helmet, lace my cleats, pack my travel bag, or sit in a locker room again. Since my career is over the only thing I have left is memories, thats the only thing you can take with. I remember my first day of practice my freshman year to my last play on Saturday. Once that final whistle blew and the clock read zero that was it for me, my time as a football player was over. Where did the last 8 years go, was I just along for the ride or was I actually apart of the ride making my own turns.
I remember the summer going into my freshman year in high school, if you wanted to play football you had to work out with the team three times a week. My first day my dad drove me to the school and as I got out of the car he grabbed my arm old me to relax and it would all be fine. I gave him a hug and looked for anyone I knew as I was walking into the weight room. Luckily I spotted my friend Aj and we walked in together. As we opened the door we heard Pantera blasting and we got hit with a breeze of a sweat smell. For those who have never been in a locker room or experienced that smell, when it hits you it knocks you back and you make that face when you have something sour in your mouth.
As we walked in I was shocked as I looked around,a ll these guys were huge, everyone of them was lifting crazy amount of weight. Right then and there I started debating in my head if I was really capable of playing football. Then it seemed in a domino affect everyone started to look at me and Aj. We both stood next to each other and had no clue on what to do. Then a big kid named Steve walked over top us and started to talk to us. He walked us around the weight room and introduced us to some other guys. Everyone was really cool, poking fun on how we looked when we first walked in. The they asked us if we ever played before and Aj did, I never did. I told them how I was a hockey player and that when I came to Raritan I found out that they didn't have a hockey team and since I enjoyed hitting people, I figure I try football. Aj told them how he was a wide receiver I told them I had absolutely no clue on what position I was going to play. Then they asked if we knew we were 2 hours early. We were like completely confused, we were told to be there by 6 am, 5:45am to be precise. In football and in like any team sport, “Your late when your one time, your on time when your 15 minutes early”. They told us how the freshman team worked out on their own at 8 am.
So after we talked to some coaches they told us we could hangout and learn some of the lifting techniques cause we never lifted before. The around 8 the rest of the freshman team started to roll in and we meant our coaches. They were both former players, the offensive coach was from Raritan, and the defensive coordinator ironically was from our rivals St. Johns. Once they introduced themselves they said that we would be the best conditioned team in the schools history, that debate of I wanted to play started up again in my head. We then went outside and started to run “gasers”, which is a a 200 hundred yard sprint, 50 yards down then back then down and back again. As we all lined up our coaches yelled out that we all had to be across the line in 53 seconds or it didn't count. The whistle blew and I took off and once I finished my heart was racing. We all finished in 53 seconds and the coaches said they were impressed. Once I heard that I figure how hard could it be, then he yelled how some of the kids weren't looking at him as he talked so the first one didn't count. Then he blew the whistle and we took off again. This went on until we did about 4 and my heart was racing and I felt dizzy. Then the coaches yelled that we were “dogging” it so we owed him one last one. He blew the whistle and we took off my legs felt like rubber, and I couldn't breathe as I crossed the line on the last on I fell to the ground and threw up. I felt so embarrassed and then I looked over and I was like 1 of 15 guys who were all throwing up.
So this went on like this all summer, we would get to the weight room, work out for an hour and go outside and run till we all puked basically. Every time we m,made the sprint in the time, there was some reason why it didn't count and we owed him another one. The season started as well as the school year and I was nervous, high school was going to be different. School started okay and then lunch came around I was looking around and had nowhere to sit when I heard my name and I looked over it was a table of football players. They told me to sit and we all sat and ate. So I felt great that I was part of a team and I got to wear my jersey to school and tell girls I was a football player. It was a great feeling and I felt special. The only thing that sucked was that I wasn't playing. When we had our games i just sat the bench. I felt down and then that big kid Steve that I met told me too get through it and after the season if it wasn't for me, I finished the year and did my best. So I figured that and I was planning on doing it and I finished the year and I was about to quite when my dad convinced me to try it one more year.
My sophomore year was about the same thing as my freshman year, the only difference was I was working out with the varsity, and going up against kids 3 times my size. So the year went on and the kid Steve was a senior and he basically took me under his wing. He would take me home after practice, pick me up for morning lifting, and always tell me to keep trying. The last practice in full pads of my sophomore year my coach told me how proud he was of me and how I had such a great work ethic . He then went on to say how he was going to find a spot for me on the field. That meant I was going to get game time. My junior year rolls around and at football camp I fought and got a spot as the starting right tackle. For those how don't know, I'm the guy on the far right who protects the quarterback those how don't know, I'm the guy on the far right who protects the quarterback. My dad was so proud of me and he called everyone he knew that night I told him I was starting.
My first game I remember walking in the lines as we made our way out onto the field. I heard the music playing and we all lined up under the goal posts on the far side of the field. They started to announce the starting offense in numeric order. Then they skipped me and I didn't know what to do. Then my head coach grabbed me and started to scream and the announcer pointing to my number. The announcer then called me and I ran out on the field to join my team, and as I was running I look up and the crowd was cheering. I felt so good and I felt on top of the world and the I realized I still had to play and I had to go against some kid I never met. As I was pacing around trying to calm down my dad called me and held up one finger. Not to represent number one but to say the first hit. He always told me that in a game its the first hit that matters most, because your showing the guy across from you that its going to be a battle. The whistle blew I ran on the field the play was called to my side, I ran at the defensive end, hit to the ground landed on top of him, as I looked up I saw my running back going to ward the end zone and then the crowd went wild. I was so excited, I did my job and best of all didn't mess up. My junior year we did okay, we made it to the first round of the playoffs and one. We won our Thanksgiving game which made a three way tie for our division, that was awesome.
My senior year started it and all my coaches kept telling me I had to take one a new role. I had to become a leader and be a example to the younger players. I never was considered a leader nor did I know what to do. Then after a practice I was walking to my car and saw a sophomore named Ed waiting for his ride, as I started to drive away, I stopped and asked and gave him a ride home. Since he was near my house I told him I give him a ride so his parents didn't have to. So after giving a ride home for awhile I was talking to him about playing and he told me that he was going to not return next year because he wasn't getting in the J.V. Games. I was about to say well its your decision and as I looked at him I saw myself sitting my passenger4 seat. I just realized I had that same conversation once before but it was me saying what Ed was and Steve was driving. I just smile and then went to tell him how I went through the same thing. I told him about Steve and how he helped me, and that I would do the same for him. So I picked a up little brother basically and this kid didn't everything with me that year. If I went to a party he was there. So my senior year was a blur we went undefeated and won a state championship. It was the first state title in school history and we were told we were all going to be inducted in the school's hall of fame. It was the greatest feeling of my life, then I found out that I was elected to play in the all-shore game which is an all-star game. So I felt on top of the world.
Then I came to Kean and played four years of football. The same things that happened to me in highschool happened in college. Starting as a freshman and not knowing anyone to going against kids that were three times my size. I then went through the program and became a leader on the team. Again I became an older brother to some of the younger guys and I thought I was just helping them with football. Then Saturday my last game came and we lost. It was terrible feeling walking off that field, not just because we lost just because it was my last time ever playing football again. So to be honest I was crying, and had my head down. My dad walked over to me and gave me a hug and told me how the past 8 years of coming to my games were the best memories me and him would ever have and how proud he was of the man football has made me. I walked away from him and as I walked into my locker room, a kind Named Alex came up to me and gave me4 a hug. He then told me what a pleasure it was to play with em for 3 years and how much I taught him. He then said that the things I told him not only helped him on the field but helped him in his life and how he was truly thankful for it.
I walked out of the locker room and headed to my truck and I thought about what Alex said. How what I told him helped him in life. I couldn't figure out how this could be then I thought about that quote, “The Game of Life is like the Game of Football”. It all made sense, the hard work, the never quiting, facing hard times, getting knocked down, getting back up, and no matter what keeping your chin up were all things that you needed in life. In life things aren't always going to go the way you planned or expected like in football, you got to call a audible and adapt to what the defense gives you. Football has made me the mad I am today. All the good qualities that I have in me are because of football. Yes, my parents brought me up right, but they could only tell me what to do not do it for me. Where in football I had to do what I said I was going to do. It wasn't about me and what I did for my own success. A team of other guys depended on me to do what I was suppose to, just like I depended on them to do what their supposed to. These are all qualities that I am going to need in life, I am going to depend on others just like I will be depended on. If either of us doesn't hold true to our word we will both fail. So to football I say thank you, to anyone I have ever suited up with it has truly been a pleasure , to my coaches I say thank you, and to my family I say I love you and thank you for all of your support.

Blog well who knows the real number, reflections on the comments

Well for the majority of the comments were all saying go fro the 4th essay ebing on football and i wasnt going to do it but as of 11-24-08 my football career is going to be over. Ill never pad up and play again unless im just fooling around at a park or somthing. So i think im going to write about the meaning of football in my life and how it has affected me and the development of my life. My coachs always told me throughty my years tyhat the game of football is very simialr to the game of life... To truly underdstand that you have to be a player, but i really didnt start top understand this untill the realization of my final week hit me that monday in class next week i am no longer a football player, it is now i used to be i am a former player...so i think im going to go to my old high school field, then to the fields where i played pick up games the im gunna go sit on my college field. No only am i dont iwth with football but i have been an athlete my whole life from august to about january i alwyas had a busy schedule and now i dont , so yeah the real world is going to set in......

writing about 4th essay

i have no clue on what i am going to write about. for once i am doumbfounded on a topic....i need some help.......i may write about my father or mother and the type of parents they have been to me. or i may write about football..........i really dont know

Draft for essay Number 3

I hope i did this correctly. but here goes for anyone who reads this i would love your optinions.


Everybody needs a place to go where they can “escape” from the world. For me this place is the beach. I am a jersey shore guy, I grew up with on the water and the beach. As long as I can think back everything something major has happened to me in my life whether it be good or bad I have always gone to my beach. In this place I am free from everything I leave my cell phone behind and walk the beach just thinking. My beach is about 15 minutes away from my house. Its a straight shot down route 36 I would give more details, but I don't want everyone trying to go to my spot and ruining it for me. This place has so many memories for me, both good and bad, that without it I dont think my life would be what it is today. Now I think about the important things that have happened to me throughout life and how this beach has been there like a friend holding my hand. I remember how I discovered this amazing friend.
When I was in high school I was living life as best as I could looking for fun in every situation. I met this girl through some friends and we hit it off, her name was Bridget. She didnt go to my high school and she wasn't like any girl who I had ever met before. The times we would only get to hang out would be late at night or like on sundays. Since we were only 17 and where we live there really isnt to much going on we were always looking for somwhere to go and hang out with some privacy. So one night I went to pick her up and as we started to drive she said she knew of a place where we could go to be alone. At that moment I was so excited ( and no not in that way) because first of all I was a prude and never had a girlfriend so my mind was racing with countless thoughts. We went down route 36 towards Sandy Hook and finally stopped at this part one the beach. We parked and walked onto the beach and I remember the first thing I thought was how beautiful the night sky looked. Tne moon light was reflecting on the ocean in that ways you only see in a movie. It seemed like god or something was using the moon to refect a path out to sea into the infinite unknown. I stopped and just stared and just couldnt believe I was witnessing something to amazing.
Finally, after staring Bridget grabbed my arm and started to pull me and so we started to walk on the beach. Ofcoure the first thing we both did was take our shoes off and throw them to the side. We were walking and I kept staring at the ocean as we talked about the most simple things. After about 15 minuntes of walking and talking we came to a very dark place on the beach and I decided to lay down and look at the stars. She first looked at me with an awkward face, but once I put my hand out and told her she could trust me and she was safe she layed down besides me. For a few minutes we just layed in silence staring at the sky. Where we are from there are always tons of lights on and you can only see some stars at night so personally I never really looked and cared for the stars, but that night it was different. The sky was black and the stars looked so bright and amazing.
We started to talk and attempt to describe the beautiful canvas we were looking and then she put her head on my chest and grabbed my hand. At that moment my heart started to beat faster. The sand had a slight coldness to it but it formed to our bodie making very comfortable to lay on. I remember the warm breeze and the sound the waves were making as there crashed on the shore. I closed my eyes and felt her warmth at my side as I smelt the salt water. To say the least I was at a moment of pure happiness. Then conventantly her phone went off and well we had to leave. We layed there for a few minutes and then she got up. The moonlight hit her eyes and she put her arm on the other side of me and looked at me. I gazed into her eyes and honestly couldnt move I was frozen in that spot and all I could feel was my heart beat. Then slowly we moved in and we had our first kiss. I know it sounds like a movie scene or I made it up but it was that perfect. We layed there and kissed and slowly got up and I gently held her hand as we walked back to my truck and I took her home.
Senior year came to and end and so did my night on the beach. Like most first love stories it had an end. We both got into college, ofcourse mine was 2 hours from hers. We tried to talk as much as possible but like all good things it had to end. We parted friends and still talk presently. After that one night, I fell in love with two things, Bridget, and the beach. Every weekend I could, I would go and walk the beach especially at night and smile. It was my place of solitude and happiness.
Though the beach has great memories there, it also has a few pain memories as well. These were the times I was in a dark place in my life and well if it wasnt for the beach who knows what would have happened. The worse one is the most painful of them all. When I think of this day and night I get a sharp pain my side and I breath very heavily.
It was my freshman year in college and I had a lot on my plate. I decided to be a double major, get a job on campus, as well as play for the schools football team. So to say the least I was coming to the complete understanding on what stress truly was. One day I was getting out of practice and was turning my phone back on when I saw that I has two voicemails. The first was from my friends just seeing how I was doing and such and the second was from my mother. When I got to hers, she wanted me to call home as soon as possible, and I knew from the sound of her voice that somthhing was wrong. So I dialed immediately and to this day I still can here the phone ring.
When she picked up she told me she had to tell me something and that I had to promise her that I would be strong and not freak. So I agreed and then got quite to hear what she was slowly going to tell me. Then I heard something that was so painful it was like I just got punched in the face by a boxer. She told me that my father was just diagnosed with cancer. My world just collapsed as I listened to her expalin what they found out. My dad hadnt been feeling well, he kept having terrible stomach pain so he went to the doctors and after some test they discovered that he had bladder cancer and needed to immediatelty go for radiation treatment. She then told me that this was going to be riskful because he was a older, out of shape, and not in healthy standards. After she told me this and asked me if I was okay, we hung up and I just fell on a bench. I couldnt breath and couldnt believe this was happening.
I know how cancer can be beaten these days and how there are so many medical advances that I should be more positive. The only thing that kept replaying in my head was how we lost my dad's mother, father, two uncles, and greatgrandmother all to cancer and other related medical issues that occurerd after they were all diagnosed with cancer. I was so scared, I didnt know what to do or where to go. So I went to liqour store bought a bottle of Jack Daniels and a box of newports and then got back in my car and started to drive. All I was doing was crying and just staring at the road I knew I had to be strong for my dad and I needed to clear my head. So before I knew it I was on the parkway going south and the I realized how close I was to my beach. I figured that is such a place of happiness for me I should go there.
Once I got there I parked and started to walked with my head down. All I could think was how could this happen, what did my dad do wrong to deserve this. Then I started to think how me and him werent as close and the last thing we did togther was fight over something stupid like coming home late. The I sat down on the sad, and it had the same cold feeling I was used to and I started to drink. I just kept rubbing my hand in the sand as I drank thinking of all the worse consequences that could lead from what I had learned. As the night progressed and my tears continued to flow and the drunker I got the more depressed I got.
After I was about 3 quarters of the way through the bottle I decided I had to walk a little so I started to walk down the beach and I felt dizzy and needed to sit. When I finally got my head straight I realzed where I was sitting the same spot where my and Bridget layed countless nights. I then did the only thing I could think of, I closed my eyes and started to pray. I remember I was clenching the sand so tightly and punching the ground and asking god why. Then I sat up and looked at the ocean and there was that same moonlight path I had seen before. I closed my eyes and and took a deep breath, as I was tatsing the seas air I gently felt the breeze hit me. I stood up and started to walk more on the beach. Thats when I decided I wasnt going to let this beat me or my father. I was going to be there for him and together we were going to get through it. As I stumbled back to my car I picked up what remained of the my liqour and dumped it out and then threw it on the ground. The I looked back at the bottle and ran over to it and throw it in the garbage. Then I went and passed out in my truck and in the morning I took another walk on the beach feeling reborn.
For the months that my dad was going through his treatments I was probably at the beach 4 times a week just walking it and thinking. As upset as I would get or what ever mood I would be in the minute I started to walk and breath that seas air and feel the sand on my feet all my feelings would go away. My dad is now in remission and doing a lot better. He still has to go get checked to make sure that the cancer hasn't returned, and on those days I make sure I take a walk on my beach to wait for the news. So far so good and im keeping my head up with everyday and making sure I let my dad know how much I love him.
The beach has done so much for me, it has given me my first and always love, while it also helped me get through a very difficult time in my life. The night when I was there with Bridget the beach took the role of being a setting for our moment together, and just let us have it in the best way. Then the night I went there because of what I learned about my father, it took the role of being there and listening to my sarrow and not judging me. It was like the times when your friends sit and just listen to you vent and dont say a word. There are many other memories I could talk about that me and the beach share and I know in my heart there will be many more. I believe in my heart that everyone needs a place like this to go and feel free but also feel safe. A place of pure happiness that can never be tarnished no matter why your there.